LA TIMES

NOW IS THE TIME TO PANIC!!!

Afew weeks ago, I panicked again and moved another hefty chunk out of the market. The Dow was then trading at 7,500; now it is approaching 6,500. I fully expect to panic again at 6,000, probably at 5,000, and might even get in a bit of late-in-the-day panicking at 4,000. Tentatively, I am drawing a line in the sand at the crucial watershed of Dow 3,000, because any hysterical selling beyond that point would be anti-American and counterproductive. But even that hideous benchmark is subject to revision. I realize that I have come late to the panic mode, but as my father always said: No matter how bad you have been burned, it is never too late to try dousing yourself with water. Remember that, son.

Well, with all due respect, sir, I know that your intentions are honorable and that you've got loads of experience in this field. But right now, I'm no longer accepting advice from employees of the White Star Line. There is a time for hysteria, and a time when cooler heads should prevail.

This is the time for hysteria.